You never told it your secrets. You never asked it for advice. But somehow, it always knows what you’re thinking.
A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend about hiking boots. We didn’t search anything online—just a passing conversation. The next morning? An Instagram ad for hiking boots. My friend joked, “Your phone’s psychic.” But it’s not magic. It’s the algorithm—that silent, ever-watching entity that knows more about us than we realize. Maybe even more than the people closest to us.
You Don’t Need to Say It Out Loud
We used to believe we had to type something for the internet to “know.” Search it, post it, like it. Now, just scrolling is enough.
Every flick of your thumb, every extra second you hover over a photo, every story you skip or replay—those tiny, forgettable actions form patterns. The algorithm doesn’t just see what you like; it watches how you like.
And unlike your best friend, it never forgets.
The Digital Mirror
Think about it: when you’re upset, you might not tell anyone. But the algorithm sees the shift. You stop interacting with certain types of posts. You scroll longer late at night. You rewatch old videos. Suddenly, your feed is full of comforting quotes, therapy ads, calming music reels.
It reflects your mood, sometimes before you’re even conscious of it.
In a strange way, it’s like a mirror—not of your face, but of your inner world.
What It Knows (That You Don’t Tell Your Friends)
Here’s a short list of what social media algorithms quietly track:
- How fast you scroll
- What time you use the app
- Which posts make you stop, even for 1–2 seconds
- What you don’t engage with
- Who you stalk but never follow
- What links you click—even outside the app
Your friends might guess what you’re feeling. The algorithm calculates it.
In fact, a 2017 study from Stanford and Cambridge found that algorithms analyzing Facebook likes could predict someone’s personality more accurately than their spouse. Read that again. Your clicks may tell the digital world more than your partner ever could.
Friends Listen. Algorithms Predict.
Here’s the difference though: friends offer understanding. Algorithms offer prediction.
They don’t listen to empathize. They listen to optimize—for engagement, for ads, for attention.
That’s the trade-off. The algorithm isn’t a friend. It’s a machine trained to predict your next move so it can make money off your time. It feels like a connection, but it’s really a calculation.
Is That a Bad Thing?
Not always. Sometimes it’s helpful. You discover a product you actually needed. You find a video that shifts your mood in a good way. You get recommendations that are weirdly spot-on.
But here’s where it gets murky: the better it gets at knowing you, the harder it becomes to know yourself without it.
You stop searching. You just wait to be served. You stop asking friends for recommendations. You let the feed decide. And slowly, it shapes your worldview.
That’s not awareness. That’s automation.
When the Algorithm Becomes Your Diary
Ever feel like your feed is a reflection of your brain? That’s no accident. It is becoming your diary—but not one you write in. One you unknowingly feed through behavior.
It learns your heartbreaks, your late-night cravings, your political shifts, your obsessions, your patterns. All without a word.
And unlike a real diary, you don’t control what it remembers—or who gets to use that information.
Can We Outsmart the Algorithm?
Not really. But we can reclaim some of our attention.
Here’s how:
- Be mindful of your digital “body language.” Every scroll, pause, and click teaches it something.
- Interrupt the feedback loop. Actively search for things outside your usual interests.
- Talk to real people. Ask friends for recommendations. Have unfiltered conversations.
- Take algorithm-free time. Use platforms that aren’t built around behavioral tracking—or take breaks altogether.
The goal isn’t to delete your account and go live in a forest (unless you want to). It’s to remember that your attention is currency, and someone—or something—is always trying to earn it.
For example, in Vigianello, Italy, residents removed clocks from public spaces to encourage living in the present.
Final Thoughts: The Friend You Never Chose
The algorithm is efficient. It’s fast. It’s shockingly accurate. But it’s not your friend.
It doesn’t love you. It doesn’t care if you’re happy. It only cares if you’re watching.
So before you let it guide your choices—before you trust its suggestions more than the people who know your laugh, your tears, your stories—ask yourself:
Who really knows you better: your best friend, or your phone?
And more importantly…
Who do you want to know you better?
